The PR Guru

December 11, 2009

Tiger Woods: hate to say I told you so, but…

Filed under: Uncategorized — richardswancott @ 9:11 pm
Tags: , , , ,

Dear Tiger,

Remember last week when I told you the statement on your website would only fuel further media speculation? Well, guess what . . .

Your ambiguous confession sent the hacks digging like bone-hungry terriers in a graveyard. Now names are being added to the list of your supposed mistresses at a rate that would be shocking if it wasn’t so hilarious. What is it up to, 10 now?

There’s even an “I had an affair with Tiger Woods” Facebook group with more than 23,000 members.

No one’s suggesting you actually did cheat on your wife with 23,000 people; that would have left you very little time to play golf and appear in adverts.

And here’s where it gets serious; advertising. Gillette and Gatorade have pulled your TV adverts and Tag Heuer have removed the life-size cut-outs of you from their shops.

You think it hurt when you hit that tree, just wait till this hits your bank balance.

This being the season of good will and me being a soft-hearted soul who’d hate to think of you sleeping rough on the streets of Palm Beach over Christmas, I’m going to give you some advice.

Call a press conference in front of your house. Go in front of the cameras and tell us exactly who you slept with over how long a period. Say that you were weak and ask for forgiveness.

You may want to get your wife to stand beside you the way disgraced politicians do; it will garner you some much-needed sympathy if the cameras don’t catch the look of betrayal in her eyes.

If you can claim to have a sex addiction or an emotional problem stemming from childhood trauma then this would also help.

Next, say that you’re going into rehab or a church retreat or that you’re going to marriage counselling; that you’ll need time to make things right and get back on the rails. Then drop off the radar for six months to a year.

When the time is right to relaunch your career, sign up for the biggest golf tournament you can find and win it. This you will remind people why you were famous in the first place; playing golf not playing away from home.

Regards,

Rob Deavall

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5 Comments »

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Richard Swancott, Richard Swancott. Richard Swancott said: Our latest take on Tiger Woods' woes: https://prstokeontrent.wordpress.com/2009/12/11/tiger-woods-hate-to-say-i-told-you-so-but/ […]

    Pingback by Tweets that mention Tiger Woods: hate to say I told you so, but… « The PR Guru -- Topsy.com — December 11, 2009 @ 9:25 pm | Reply

  2. […] · Reply · View swannybrasco: Wondering who Tiger Woods’ PR agent is… https://prstokeontrent.wordpress.com/2009/12/11/tiger-woods-hate-to-say-i-told-you-so-but/ 2009-12-11 21:25:01 · Reply · View nycsav: Mark Morford – Tiger Woods is […]

    Pingback by Twitter Tweets about Tiger Woods as of December 11, 2009 | Bay Area REO — December 12, 2009 @ 12:58 am | Reply

  3. […] Update: so Tiger Woods followed our advice, then Filed under: Uncategorized — richardswancott @ 9:52 am Tags: golf, media statements, tiger woods So, Tiger Woods is to take a break from the game which made him a billionaire. This of course is nothing to do with our last blog. […]

    Pingback by Update: so Tiger Woods followed our advice, then « The PR Guru — December 12, 2009 @ 9:52 am | Reply

  4. Sometimes it’s really that simple, isn’t it? I feel a little stupid for not thinking of this myself/earlier, though.

    Comment by Pengar Internet — January 2, 2010 @ 4:05 pm | Reply

  5. You made some good points there. I did a search on the topic and found most people will agree with your blog.

    Comment by Jonny — January 10, 2010 @ 2:15 pm | Reply


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